October 22, 2024
Om tat sat!
My pranaam to Sri Devi Maa.
Continued from Part 1
3. Most probably you won’t feel motivated all the time
I remember when Sri Maa, my gorgeous Guru when gave a mantra to me on my Brahmacharya deeksha. It was a mantra full of beej-aksharas and I heard it for the first time.
Beejaksharas are powerful syllables (one or more) which have immense energy. When chanted along with appropriate behaviour/routine/habit as directed by Guru, it progresses the person further on her/his path towards the Divine, Nirvana, self-realisation etc. as per one’s aim. Mantrashastra (the science of Mantras) call it the very life or essence of mantras.
It is made up of two words: Beej + Akshara. Beeja means ‘seed’ and akshara means ‘syllable’. Hence, it is the seed which sprouts and/or speeds up one’s spiritual progress on a path.
I started chanting the mantra. For days I tried to connect with it. I tried to find stories related to it online. Days changed into months yet no joy poured in except for a few instances. I was just chanting because my Sri Maa told me to do so and I want to reach my Mother Divine. I felt like a parrot that would just chatter whatever it has learnt! It was a dry chant.
One day, I almost cried. I prayed to my Devi- Dear Maa, I am not able to develop emotions for you like I have read in books or have known through people’s experiences, I am just chanting away your mantra like a parrot. Then, I don’t know from where, a thought popped up in my head. I started telling myself that- let my brain be a parrot because Meenakshi Devi holds one as well!
I simply accepted this parrot phase. I chanted without love or essence but with a yearn for Devi. I couldn’t make sense of the beejaksharas or the vidya/mantra I was blessed with plus, I was not meditating enough either. It was a phase of dry chanting but I persisted. I was not motivated enough yet I went on with whatever quality of chanting I could do and one day, I succeeded and received a dream of Bala Tripur Sundari and Sri maa indicated that I was ready for the next step! Persistence is the key. No matter what the hurdle is, just keep moving!
4. You may get angry at your Guru or the Divine most probably because of ego burning!
I have already written posts on how I blamed Sri Maa and the Divine for the misery I was going through. I was not getting what I wanted and my ego was hurt somewhere which culminated into rage. Currently, I am a person who when gets angry goes into seclusion and rages in the self, carrying things in the mind. I was hurting and maybe, you may get hurt too while walking on this path.
Well, I was very furious but never did I desire to cut off either from my spiritual journey via SD (Sanatana Dharma) or from Sri Maa. At the back of my head, I knew it was my weakness and it was me who made Sri Maa my Guru and prayed to Divine for light, so, it was my brain getting to know the reality. Despite divine dreams and all, I stood nowhere in this grand scheme of things. I wasn’t the only special disciple of Sri Maa nor was I even worth a dust at Mother Divine’s feet and it was a blow to my ego. I was nothing, I am nothing and all that’s happening to me is because of Devi’s grace. Without Her, this Chitra wouldn’t even exist!
But even if you get angry at Divine or Guru, understand that it is a part of you which, if you allow, will be released by Divine grace. We all are an amalgamation of virtue and vice, we contain both good and bad. We have satva, rajas and tamas, all three in us. At that moment, just accept that such an emotion exists in you, seek forgiveness, feel it a little more and give some time to yourself. Be kind to yourself when your mind is hurt but try not to fuel your ego or give in to some regrettable actions!
Quoting from Swami Rama’s Perennial Psychology of the Bhagvad Gita, an explanation to verse 1.19
The fierce sounds of the Pandavas’ conches frighten Duryodhana and magnify his feeling of guilt. Guilty is he who does not acknowledge his mistakes, for he does not believe in being corrected and is not open to helpful suggestions from any quarter. He neither listens to the voice of his conscience nor to the advise of his counselors. He closes all the doors of learning, isolating himself in the fortress of his own egotistical views. He does not want to know anything, and he goes on feeding his ego by creating a false reality for himself.
Continued in Part 3.
— With love,
Chitra Om
