Woman, thou art impure!
October 6, 2024
Durga Puja is here and festivities are buzzling! Some are looking forward for sheer enjoyment and a few are immersed in sadhana. I am not doing any deity’s sadhana particularly, but I have promised myself to bring myself to a better conduct as per the best of my capacity. It’s the fourth day and I have faltered here and there but I do collect myself together again set on the track once more. I falter everyday and I persist every day, it’s the repeated effort that matters, at least in my case.
Well, the second day of the Navratri coincided with the first day of my menstruation this month. My mom had given me the task of opening the curtains of the temple each morning and I did so. Next day, she understood that I was on my periods and I she screamed at me. I felt sad. Was it my fault to have been born with a uterus? Is it my fault that I have a healthy menstruation time? We have a picture of a saint in our temple who was born in a male body and my mother thundered, “If something happens to my Babaji, I will not leave you!” This statement really broke my heart into pieces. Never have I ever thought of hurting Babaji consciously and here, my healthy body was being blamed for something I didn’t even do.
In our culture, Durga Puja is celebrated in a grand manner. Its all about puja, food, friends, family and laughter provided you are not on your periods. I don’t know when did this stupid idea get into the minds of the people where they were celebrating Mother Divine in a pandal and started keeping the menstruating women away from Devi! I don’t know how we got here. We Sanatanis (Hindus) were never meant to do that.
I remember when my mom told me to stay away from temples during mentrustaion, I was almost a teen. She used the word “ashuchi” meaning impure, polluted, defiled, contaminated etc. This caused a silent rebellion in my heart. I wondered, “If God is so appalled by my menstruation then why did God give it to the women in the first place?” I used to see boys of my school, those who were known for their notoriety like fighting, using abusive language, arguing with teachers, threatening fellow students, totally engrossed in lewd talks or behavior etc., providing ‘service’ in puja pandals, often standing in the main sanctum sanctorum doing the work being told while checking out women. Somehow, this aspect skipped the eye of the adults and their inability to menstruate was considered a green signal to help at the puja pandals.
One day, I asked my mom, “Even these men poop, that too daily, why are they not impure?” She shut me up due to a lack of a convincing answer. I once told her, “If Meerabai ever comes into this house, you will drive her away too!” Afterall, Meerabai was a woman and she menstruated as well. My mom mumbled something. The basic argument that everyone here give is, “Do you think our saints and sages were mad?” “This is how we do things, don’t cause chaos!” “You are wrong! This brings negative energy! Always maintain purity in the temple!”
I have no idea how purity is connected to women and never to men. Maybe the society has given a lot of leeway to men and restricted women to the point where a normal body function is expected to be carried with guilt and shame with the label of “ashuchi”. Trust me, I hate this word- “ashuchi”. Yuck!
Back to my teenage years when I wasn’t able to make sense of my uncalled menstruation or a pad being tagged impure. I stopped sitting down during any havan at home. I felt revolting, “This God cannot even tolerate my menstruation. Why should I sit down for such a havan?” I would rather go around to make seating arrangements for our neighbors and those invited, offered them water, moved around in house to bring stuff to pandit ji, but I would not sit down in front of the havan kund or the fire ritual.
When I got to know about Swamiji, I thought, he speaks well. I was binge watching his videos but what convinced me that He was a true saint was this particular video-
Swamiji won my heart with an answer given at time stamp 15:26. Hands down to him! Furthermore, Sri maa, my Guru, never ever stopped me either from doing Puja anytime, especially when I feel alright to do so!
Slowly, I started coming back to the fold of Sanatana Dharma, leaving the misconceptions and anger behind. I can proudly say, Devi has accepted me the way I am and not like how society likes to think with all its concepts of ‘ashuchi’ especially tagged on women! I understand, what my mother said was a result of decades of societal conditioning which is often difficult to break through! But I, her biological daughter, will not listen to any notion that takes me away from Devi, my Divine Mother!
Om tat sat!
-Chitra Om
